There wasn't much online in 2009. I would do google searches and not come up with much that discribed my child. Fortunately, there was a lot more online by 2013.
My advice to any person who knows an autistic person is as follows:
Anxiety and fear are often a response to the environment. Understanding an autistic persons sensory differences is very important. Please learn about proproceptive,vestibular and the more commonly known sight, touch, taste, smell and sound. Acceptance means altering the environment to accommodate an autistic persons sensory needs. That can mean tools like headphones, personal music, other sensory tools, or just keeping your schedule simple. If your gonna do something that's sensory heavy, build some break time in or time for rest later that day or the next.
Stimming is a coping mechanism that serves the purpose of self regulation. Stimming is any repetitive movement or ritual that a person uses. Acceptance of an autistic person means allowing an autistic person to stim.
Before an autistic person can let you in, you need to relate to them. Understanding is so important to build trust. That might mean playing with toys they are interested in. Talking about their preferred topic.
Humor is also important. Disrespect and anger towards an autistic person only leads to mistrust, fear and anxiety. Acceptance means taking that person as they are today. Criticizing or talking about someone when they're in the room erodes that trust.
Learn to see the signals that precede a meltdown.
There have been so many therapies used on autistic people that are wrong. I recently saw a documentary where the parents held down their child when he had a meltdown. I found this very disturbing and dehumanizing. It was clear that the parents loved their child very much, but were misguided. This technique is very mainstream today, at home and in schools. They have missed the communication that preceded the meltdown. They have failed to teach their child to understand his own bodies signals. The professionals in their lives have failed to teach them how to recognize these signals and avoid a meltdown.
Advocate for the autistic person. This is as simple as explaining why a behavior that at first seems odd is a coping mechanism. Acceptance comes from understanding. Other children are often pointing out unusual things my son does. It's not necessarily coming from a mean place, more like curiosity. Explaining why he talks and paces, or hums helps them understand. It's as simple as, he uses this tool to help him focus. Asking my son when we are trying a new tool helps him get to know his body and has helped him to advocate for himself as he has gotten older.
Remember that autistic people are not naturally manipulative, don't ever assume bad intentions. Manipulation and lying can be learned over time, but are not characteristics of being autistic.
Lastly, presume competence. Always look for ways to foster independence. Self care skills take time. Build in supports like visual schedules. Taking the time to explain why we need to learn new skills helps. Look for opportunities for the autistic person in your life to have choices. That could mean what they wear, or the order that they get ready for school. Ask preferences. Break tasks down. Explain why self care, time management and other daily tasks are important. Patience, build in extra time. Again criticizing and yelling only lead to anxiety and avoidance.
