Sometimes I feel judged that I explain too much. But I've been a parent to this kid for almost 10 years now, and can tell we are doing things right for him. Sometimes I feel judged that I didn't correct him in the moment. Here's the thing. He processes things differently, I process things differently. Generally when he says something bluntly, it's because he's not quite right, hungry, tired, unregulated.
I know the feeling.
Ninety-five percent of the time, he's pretty awesome. Lucky, I know. But when he's off, he's really off. As he's gotten older I understand things that will set him off. Mostly I try to predict the day. Let him know how I think things will go. New experiences aren't always predictable. But letting him know I'm guessing helps.
Today he got a little blunt with a friend when he was beyond hungry. Then when we got to our destination he tried to get out of the car while a lady who was parked next to us had her rear door open. He was pushing our door into her open door. I apologized to her, and started to let him know it wasn't ok. He became agitated. I told him we'd talk about it later, after he'd eaten.
On the drive home we talked about how blunt he was to his friend. How typically he does a great job of being a good friend and not saying hurtful things. But this was a case of being blunt, a little more nuanced. It was true, everything he said, but it still had the effect of making his friend feel bad.
We talked about using a filter. How on Instagram people use filters to make their pictures look better. And people filter their words to make them look better too.
Sometimes, most of the time, when he's off, you just gotta put a pin on the conversation. We try to give him as much life knowledge as we can. At the end of the day, I think good parenting is letting your kids know who you are and how you feel about things. Either way, they are watching your every move and know what you value, by your actions. Explaining things helps with perception.